This summer I have been speaking on the topic of helping teens and young adults on their journey from age 13 to 30. Everywhere I go, I find many people who have high interest in this topic. Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, pastors, and many more understand how important these years are in the life of an individual. Here are a few of the insights I have been discussing:
VisionMost would agree that many teens and young adults are adrift. Leonard Sax, MD, PhD, author of
Boys Adrift, highlights these issues. This year, we have also seen the popular books,
Guyland, by Michael Kimmel, and
Manning Up, by Kay Hymowitz. This issue is not just for males. Many of our teens and young adults, male and female, are struggling with a sense of purpose and direction. In Proverbs 29:18 we read, "Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained (NASB)." We need to help those around us understand that God loves them and has a wonderful plan for their lives. In Deuteronomy, God invites the people of Israel to enter into a covenant relationship with him. In the New Testament, that covenant relationship is offered as a blessing to all people (Acts 3:25). Just as a marriage covenant gives direction to a newly married couple, so God's invitation to a relationship for life and eternity can give a child, teen, and young adult vision, purpose and direction for their future. Let me encourage you to speak often of God's destiny for your 13-30 year-olds. This will give them a sense of vision and strength when the winds and waves of our culture buffet them about.
TeachingMany of you may be familiar with the research of Christian Smith, a sociologist at Notre Dame and the author of
Souls Searching and
Souls in Transitions (
Some good reviews by Scot McKnight). These two works come out of the largest research project ever done on spiritual development in the lives of teens and young adults. One of the most surprising findings by Smith is the fact that adults are so unwilling to talk with teens and young adults about their faith. This is unfortunate because Smith emphasizes over and over again that the biggest influence in spiritual development of children, teens, and young adults are parents. He writes, "The best way to get most teens more involved in and more serious about their faith … is to get their parents more involved in and serious about their faith (p. 267)." Deuteronomy 4:9 emphasizes this as well, "Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them." When should you teach your children, teens, and young adults about your faith? Deuteronomy 6:7 gives us some direction, "Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." We know that American adults get nervous talking about politics, religion, money, and sex, but our young adults want to have meaningful and authentic conversations about all of these topics, particularly our faith.
CautionDeuteronomy 5:9 reminds us to be cautious regarding our faith journey, "You shall not bow down to them [idols]or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me." We don't know exactly how the sins of our fathers are passed down through the generations, but most of us would agree that this truth affects most all of us. Just as a couple needs to enter into a marriage covenant with a sense of joy and optimism, they also need to be cautious to guard the exclusive nature of that relationship. In the same way, God wants our children, teens, and young adults to guard their relationship with God and not to allow other things (e.g. idols) to distract them from all that God has for them.
The journey from 13 to 30 is an exciting and dangerous journey. Let's do all we can to help our children, teens, and young adults to successfully navigate the high seas of this important passage. We as older adults can share, support, and encourage them along the away reminding them of all that God has done and will continue to do.
Joshua 4:4-7
So Joshua… said to them, "Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder…to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, `What do these stones mean?‘ tell them…
These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever."